Fear is everywhere. Inside of us. Lurking in our imaginations. Outside of us in amped up media blurbs. Generating all sorts of worry, concern and illogical behavior. Occasionally, it is 100% rational and important to heed the warning bells going off in our brains. Most of the time though, it is a barrier that hinders us from really flourishing in our day to day world. “The Pirate” and I have been reading the book “Hey, That’s MY Monster!” by Amanda Noll (read by Lily Tomlin-love her!). It flips the script on fearing the monster under your bed, provides comfort in the scary and reminds us that sleep is great! (More on sleep in another post…) 

Just like the book’s main character Ethan, many of us are comfortable with our “monster” and use it to stay “safe”. This may seem like a contradiction, but when we dig deeper into our fear, we often find it is protecting us from something. Or, more likely, was protecting us from something in the past that is no longer a threat. It served a purpose once, and we stick with those familiar, habitual thoughts. Understanding fear means getting clear on when to use your legs to simply walk away, sprint like the wind out of the inferno or go marching head on into the fog trusting it will clear. We have to tune into ourselves to know when the danger is real, and when it is just a bunch of smoke and mirrors in our mind trying to keep us trapped in old ways. 

Write It Down 

When I was preparing for my next career step, I wrote a list of my fears related to leaving my Sr. Vice President role to start my own business. 

Here they are:

Fear #1: I might have zero clients and fail to earn any income.

Fear #2: I could spend even more time working than I do now and see my kids less.

Fear #3: I may lose my identity as a professional.

Fear #4: I will let down people I care about at my job.

Fear #5: I will leave something that I started even though it may not be strong enough to last.

Fear #6: I may be judged on what I left behind that is unfinished.

Fear #7: Our family won’t have insurance and something terrible could happen to one of us.

Fear #8: I might suck at coaching.

Fear #9: I might spend more time promoting my business than doing the part that I love.

Fear #10: I might become completely reliant on someone else for financial security.

These fears swirled in my head, and plagued me for months. Each one loomed larger than Godzilla. To conquer the “protector-of-the-status-quo” in “my toxic comfort zone”,  I used coaching tools and support to slowly shift fear’s power to productivity. If I was going to partner with people to break through their fears, I’d better be willing to do it myself. A go-to resource during this phase was Jen Sincero’s book “You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life”.  

Convert Your "Fears"

The core of coaching requires tuning into a person and deeply listening - not just to their words but their tone and energy. I listened to myself; writing down my answers, and coming up with actions to overcome my legit and ego-based fears. Seven of the ten fears listed above were within my control, and I found ways to prove them false. 

According to Plato, “Courage is knowing what not to fear.” A lot of what we fear is really not worthy of our energy and concern. We can think of solutions and methods to do what we want in our own way when we parse out fear’s purpose. Preparation, planning, risk assessing and connecting with a support system are ways to ensure that we can move forward with our fears. 

Maybe you already have your Gabe, that healthy perspective about fear and its benefits. Or maybe you are more like Emma, and need to test out a few “monsters” to stop your aimless wandering through the night. Either way, embrace bravery. Convert your fear. Learn, grow and find a new useful “monster” to call your own.