Box52 Coaching & Consulting Services - Blog #coaching

Forgiveness: Our Tow Truck Out of the Shame Arena

Fri, 21 Nov 2025 17:14:10 -0500

Repair Relationships, Practice Forgiving and Move Away from Self-Blame

Do you ever find yourself mulling over the past with a hyperfocus on the mistakes you’ve made?

Going deep into the shame arena with a demolition derby of nasty thoughts revving their engines and crashing into each other all at once. Rumination that spins you into a smoke-filled sandpit; trapping you between the guardrail and a stalled out wreck. Your mind suffocates. A few minutes feel like they go on forever. Waiting for someone to wave the red flag that will bring everything to a halt.

Forgiveness is a “red flag” guiding us to remove our foot from the gas pedal. A signal to “own up to one’s mistakes”, “let go of hurt when wronged”, and choose an alternative to “bitterness and resentment”. Forgiveness is a pathway within the virtue of temperance according to VIA Institute on Character.However, the pain we feel when harmed by others is inevitable, and we often haven’t learned to make repairs in relationships. When we hang on to these past offenses it keeps us in a traffic circle of suffering. Round and round we go. Even though there is a lot of guidance on ways to forgive others without condoning their past wrongdoing, all the information in the world cannot turn the steering wheel of forgiveness to move us out of that place of hurt without our willingness to act.

A road out of the traffic circle comes when we identify the past mistakes we made. We have to own our past harmful behaviors and actions. Unfortunately, shame, judgment and guilt are woven tightly into our mistakes; holding us in place like a locked seatbelt after a crash. We know it is necessary to escape the wreck, but it feels nearly impossible when suspended upside down in your car - wheels to the sky. Feeling stuck is a warning light letting us know those mistakes have turned into self-limiting beliefs. Those beliefs are fuel for all the negative thoughts taking laps around our minds like cars in the Indy 500. Lots of speed and activity, but we end right where we began: shame, judgment and guilt.

“Shame casts one not as a human being who did a bad thing, but as a human being who is bad…people who feel shame are more likely to respond defensively…and it rarely leads us to take action to make amends.” The “antidote” to shame is self-compassion according to Susan David, the author of Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life.

Guilt on the other hand is “no fun, but it has a purpose…society depends on guilty feelings to keep us from repeating our errors and misdeeds. Feeling bad comes first, but the “transgression does not make you an irredeemably awful human being.”When we lack compassion, we see the world as just as unforgiving as we are, so the very idea of failure is crippling.”

Additionally, David goes on to explain that self-compassion is “looking at yourself from an outside perspective: a broad and inclusive view that doesn’t deny reality but instead recognizes your challenges and failures as part of being human.” In her book she notes, “there’s a misconception that you need to be tough on yourself to maintain your edge. But people who are more accepting of their own failures may actually be more motivated to improve.”

Forgiveness is the tow truck that hauls us back to the garage where we can disassemble the faulty thinking patterns. Discernment is the mechanic who tosses out the cracked, broken underlying beliefs. Relationship repair, as Dr. Becky describes it in her TED Talk, gets us back out on the road with a sturdy new frame of mind and self-compassion gives us a sense of direction. Ultimately, separating our identity from our behaviors allows us to find a new route for moving forward at a comfortable pace.

Because “despite all appearances, conditions of an exterior nature do not cause wars, or poverty, or disease, or any of the unfortunate circumstances apparent in the world. Your beliefs form your reality. Your thoughts generate practical experience. When these change, conditions will change.”

~Seth, in Jane Roberts’ The Nature of the Psyche

Sharing thoughts aloud and having someone receive them without judgment is an important step to diminish limiting beliefs and start implementing forgiveness. If you need help creating enough stillness in your life to face the pain, begin to forgive and learn self-compassion,please reach out.

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Joy: What It Is, And Isn't

Fri, 21 Jan 2022 13:49:07 -0500

Less FOMO, More JOMO!

The references are all around us - “Spark joy”, “Joy to the World” and one that helped me reclaim my professional self - thank you Lucinda! -simply “Joy!”. Sometimes joy is confused with happiness. It goes unrecognized as the opposite of fear. And it is gratitude’s uplifting partner.

In Dr. Brené Brown’s most recent book Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience, she differentiates joy and happiness. “Joy is sudden, unexpected, short-lasting, and high-intensity. It’s characterized by a connection with others, or with God, nature, or the universe. Joy expands our thinking and attention, and it fills us with a sense of freedom and abandon.”

Who doesn’t want more of that?

FOMO: The Comparison and Judgment Trap

But, FOMO is ubiquitous. With all of the “noise” in our day-to-day lives, it can be nearly impossible to recognize joy. Is your to-do list a mile long? And your default response to anyone asking about how you are is “BUSY!” Maybe you are filling your living space with material items in an effort to create joy through coziness. Or, you seek out the latest-greatest-hottest gadget, handbag, fitness equipment, or app to thrill and delight your senses. Ask yourself if those things you buy are connecting you with fellow humans, or is it a way to compare and judge yourself and others?

How might consumerism be interfering with your joy? The comparison game keeps you striving to be noticed while still “fitting in.” Over the long-haul, this zaps mental and physical energy, numbs one from deeper feelings, and turns relationships into brittle, delicate objects that may break in the face of truth/hardship. Clicking the “Buy Now” button is easy while you stuff down and compartmentalize your fears. A false sense of satisfaction is delivered in the statement, “Yay! Your shipment is on its way!”

Seeking acceptance through the purchase of things becomes a salve for one's negative self-perception. The Minimalists addressed shopping addiction in Episode 306 of their podcast and how this behavior is pleasurable in the moment and is misconceived as producing joy. Other important relationship themes are highlighted in their recent book Love People Use Things: Because the Opposite Never Works, and the most vital relationship is the one you have with yourself.

JOMO: Take the Purposeful Path

Coaches hold the belief that individuals are creative, resourceful, and emotionally whole. Unfortunately, many people struggle with the concept that they are enough; always feeling inadequate or less than. Admitting and doing something about your fears is more challenging than browsing and buying on Amazon, but the feel-good sensation lasts a lifetime when you align your values and actions. Allowing for self-acceptance and practicing self-compassion is at the core to making this type of lifestyle shift. Seeking support to make the lifestyle changes you desire demonstrates a strength of bravery - exactly what is needed to take action against fear.

Let’s embrace JOMO and find meaningful ways to engage with friends, family and loved-ones to create that sense of purpose and contentment within our life. @box52coaching

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Intuition: A Double-Edged Skill

Mon, 22 Mar 2021 15:20:22 -0500

“It is by logic that we prove,” said mathematician Henri Poincaré.

“It is by intuition that we discover.”

Intuition is to know something instinctively – without really thinking. And, whether with 1800s revolutionary scientists or today’s podcasts by boundary-breaking women, intuition continues to be a hot topic. The renewed interest of tuning into our body/mind and perceiving all of the information available to us is compelling and can be, at times, unsettling.

Researchers are finding new ways to study the complexities of the human ability to KNOW - without any awareness of conscious, logical thought occurring. They are also parsing out implicit bias and other detrimental aspects of acting without external “checks and balances” on our perceptions about people and places. As with any skill, over-reliance on intuition creates unreliability and imbalance, while completely ignoring it can cause avoidable challenges and potential harm. The combination of fast and slow thinking processes is necessary to operate effectively throughout each day.

In professional coaching relationships, intuition is a core skill. Coaches share their intuitive hits, and then see how the insight resonates with the client. This input disrupts the person’s on-going thought patterns and view of themselves. People may be inclined to look for information that confirms their existing bias and current beliefs. This mindset can be interrupted by the coach sharing an observation, without any ownership over the client’s response, bringing the individual to a new idea or perception. Most importantly, the coach is detached from their expressed sense, and a client can fully reject it without worry or guilt.

Discovery and greater awareness are at the epicenter of coaching, and can propel clients into purposeful action. Coaching can prime a person’s brain to recognize new options and take potential action where there was previously no perceived alternative. As described by Herbert Simon, intuition is really just recognition. In David G. Myers book Intuition: Its Powers and Perils, he states that “Sometimes we intuitively feel what we do not know we know.” This provides a starting place for coaches to reflect a client's emotions and energy shifts when meeting, and to bring awareness to consciously knowing. The implicit attitude below the surface is pulled up for consideration and contrasted with the explicit attitude being put forward by the client. Minimally, sharing an intuition creates an opportunity for a client to slow down long enough to assess more of the information that has been unconsciously processed, and identify what they really want.

Myers also highlights the human tendency to revise or “misremember” one's past. Ultimately, “by being mindful of the limits on our self-knowledge, we can restrain our gullibility and motivate ourselves to think critically, to check our own and others’ intuition against reality, and to replace illusion with understandings.” Seymour Epstein’s breakdown of “experiential knowing” and “rational knowing” demonstrates how both types of knowing live within us, and it is up to us to figure out how to manage each in a meaningful way, particularly when the situation is taken into consideration. And, as Malcolm Gladwell described it in Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking, “The best we can do, I think, is try to puzzle out the right mix of conscious and unconscious analysis on a case-by-case basis.”

All of these authors leave out one important factor – when does intuition begin? It seems one could argue that the vast “experiential knowing” comes from beyond each individual’s personal experience and from a collective universal experience. Young children and adolescents demonstrate intuition and express insightful wisdom, even with their limited personal accumulation of information. They are natural discoverers. Imagine if adults encourage children to hone the skill of knowing without thinking, with the same fervor of teaching them logic and analysis.

In the meantime, certified coaches are uniquely positioned to partner with individuals to align the implicit and explicit processes that control and explain one's behavior while creating greater congruence between the two.

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5 Ways to Stay Authentic as a Solopreneur

Thu, 04 Feb 2021 15:09:53 -0500

Solopreneurs: Honesty, Authenticity and Courage

If 2020’smayhem and maladies taught solopreneurs anything, it was the value of authenticity and honesty. The virtue of courage, where the value of honesty resides, was tested repeatedly. For business owners trying to survive in the a face of a grossly mismanaged pandemic and ongoing racial injustice, there was no hiding from the long list of questions, such as

What are my core values and how do they show in my business?
Will I need to pivot my services and products?
What do my customers need right now to feel cared about and important?
Do I have the physical and mental energy to do what is needed?
Where can I find reliable guidance and support?
What do I need to stop doing right now to stay in business?
Who can I trust?

And, yet, single-owner LLCs and sole proprietors continued to create experiences that felt right and familiar for customers. They provided moments of normalcy in a tumultuous year. Sometimes it came in the form of artisanal bread produced at the ultra-local level and delivered to your doorstep. Or meditation and movement offered by yoga instructors teaching outdoors or via video to keep their communities connected. Maybe it was personalized fitness and conditioning brought by a masked instructor, helping to reduce anxiety and keeping people fit. Lessons of all types were offered from in-person studios, living rooms and virtual settings—even drumming instruction for children!

Fellow independent, one-person business owners shared their challenges and coping methods with Box52 Coaching. Here are some key take-aways.

Keep Your Vision Front and Center

It is not enough to write a vision statement for a business plan. Believing and sharing that vision of how the world will be better because of your product or service is equally, if not more important. Post it in a prominent place where you work, live, and look (like on your phone!). Refer to your vision often and use it as a touchstone when making difficult decisions.

Find Financial Fortitude

Being your own boss means doing a deep dive on your values around money. Consider questions like the following:

How comfortable are you without a predictable paycheck?
What does financial security mean to you?

How will you stop undervaluing your service or product and begin to charge what it is worth?

This is NOT an area to avoid or put off. Questions about what you are or aren’t willing to do for a profit are better answered before you are in a financial bind. It takes serious resolve to endure the ups and downs of generating revenue each month. Establishing a separate bank account for your business will prevent many headaches in the future. Find more important tips here to reduce money management worries.

Put Your Biz First with Boundaries and Drop the Guilt

It is HARD to let go of the feeling that you must work ALL THE TIME when it is you and only you taking care of your business. Build in regular reminders that you are your best self when you are comfortable and relaxed running your business. This means taking breaks and keeping your life multi-dimensional. Create a routine to shape your work day. This strategy is especially critical if you operate out of your living space. Scheduling work hours helps to eliminate the feeling that you should be doing something else, like caring for your home and any other beings who live there. It also helps those around you to know when they can gain your full attention, rather than becoming another interruption. Tackle guilt head on. It wastes your precious energy.

Take Care of Your Body/Mind

As a certified health and wellness coach, I can’t emphasize self-care enough. Rest (sleep and other forms) allows vital physical processes to occur in your body. Dr. Matt Walker, a sleep guru with degrees in neuroscience and neurophysiology, shares why soundly snoozing is important. He offers six tips for getting more and better sleep.

Eating a balanced, nutritious diet provides a quality source of energy to stay focused and to meet your business demands. Keep fruits, veggies, and nuts handy to snack on. Drink water. You can add edible essential oils or slices of fruit to make water taste better without extra sugar or sugar alternatives.

Whether you call it exercise or not, find ways to include more movement in your day. Dance, walk, run, bike, swim, snowshoe, chair yoga, kickbox, spin, or roll. Whatever your body is capable of doing, do it. Just be sure to get it into your daily routine. Your brain will thank you, along with the rest of your body. Need more proof? Check out this article about all the benefits.

Stop putting off preventive and routine medical care. Find a new primary care physician and go for an appointment. Schedule with the dentist. See an eye doctor. The upfront time and effort it takes to do these tasks can be frustrating, but it is worth the investment. Being healthy is not a guarantee, and many individuals manage chronic illness while leading their business. Remember, taking care of yourself is a type of insurance for your business. Suze Orman, whose whole business is money, shares her personal denial and ultimate health consequence here.

Seek Out Support

Even though you made the leap to be on your own, you are not alone. Find other solopreneurs to brainstorm ideas. Connect with local business groups or like-minded social media groups. Sign up for an account with the Small Business Development Center in your region or state. Talk to family and friends about how they can support you in clear, concrete ways. It can help them to feel purposeful and can get you help when you need it. Stop believing that successful people do things all on their own. It’s a fallacy. And, as we learned at the beginning, being honest with yourself is crucial to making your business thrive.

Hiring a coach is an outstanding way to define your goals, address your fears, and gain clarity about areas that need attention. You get a confidential space to express yourself and support in setting up actions and accountability strategies to meet internal and external expectations for your business.

Thank you to the following solopreneur-led businesses for your contributions: Mindful Moving Kids, Iron Soul Training LLC, Cristina’s Bread House, Joe Ruzzi Drum Instruction, Full Circle Yoga KC

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6 Tips to Wrap-up 2020 Better Than it Started

Mon, 14 Sep 2020 16:38:54 -0500

In a year when the bedrock of American living was jack-hammered to bits by the pandemic, politics off the rails, racial injustice and more natural disasters, creating a sense of normalcy seems, at best, daunting and often impossible. However, putting in time now to set a plan can provide a road map for ending this year (Woohoo!) in something other than a fiery dead end crash. And, maybe more importantly, it will position you to start 2021 off in a better place.

Use September to refocus and gain a sense of direction. Build on that momentum, and let it carry you forward.

First things first.

1. There is a Future!

The world is still turning; the sun sets and the moon rises each day. Time may feel warped lately, but a future is out there for you. It is easy to get sucked into the mentality that the “world is ending” and “nothing really matters”. Those beliefs only perpetuate a bleak existence. Push on the accelerator and skip that exit on the highway!! It leads to the land of wasted days and swamp of self-doubt. Take back your sense of control and stay in the driver’s seat. Self-efficacy is key to actualizing the wishes and goals you want to achieve.

2. Recognize What You Need

Are you feeling fatigued? Stress consuming your energy? Mind racing but not getting things done? Feeling alone? Lacking alone time? Work bursting into every aspect of your life? No work at all? Breaking your needs down into physical,emotional, and mental categories allows you to find the right fix to get you back on the road. You don’t pour windshield wiper fluid into your empty gas tank to fuel up, so don’t do it to yourself! If you are tired and sleepy, find ways to get more and better rest. Acknowledge and share your feelings of anger, anxiety or fear. Capture and release your thoughts by journaling or other mindfulness practice.

3. Keep it Simple

Focus on getting the basics of your plan down on “paper”. Eliminate visual distractions around you so it is easier to be clear and concise as you define your goals, intentions or problems to solve. Use existing resources rather than trying to create everything yourself. For example, this is National Preparedness Month and you can use this guide to plan for emergencies and disasters. It is okay to follow a map that someone else made. Just remember that it is your journey!

4. Identify Your Obstacles

Often we compare our starting point to other people’s finished product. It is fantastic to find inspiration in others for what you would like to accomplish. Just keep in mind that you are where you are. Don’t let your perception of someone else stop you from starting. Figure out what is getting in your way. Is it something internal or external to you? Knowing the difference allows you to create strategies and use tools that specifically address your unique challenges. Like any travel adventure, sometimes you see the road signs, sometimes you miss them and other times they aren’t there at all. Regardless, the response is up to the driver, and that is YOU!

5. Tap Your Strengths

Regardless of where Industry, Diligence and Perseverance falls on your VIA Survey of Character Strengths, draw on them to create and implement your plan. It does take hard work to achieve intentions and goals that really matter. Discomfort and uncertainty will be present. Be careful and persistent as you persevere to find ways under, over and through the obstacles in your way. Navigation tools make a trip infinitely easier, and matching strengths to circumstances allows for a more authentic journey. Grit will get you there, but not on its own.

6. Get Help

When traveling, and in life, stop and ask for directions and “local” tips. No one gets anywhere alone. No one. Plus, the journey is so much better when you connect with others. Asking for help is a strength. Recognizing what is and isn’t available in your current environment is essential to moving beyond your perceived existence. Expand your network. Seek out friends, mentors, coaches and other professionals who will provide the expertise you need to fill in the details on your plan. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Parting Postcard
Think in a courageous way.
Nourish your feeling of confidence.
Make action your top priority.
Start now.

@box52coaching

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Lead Workplace Culture by Honoring Self-Care Commitments

Fri, 03 Jul 2020 20:43:57 -0500

Now Til December: Honoring Commitments, Perseverance and Pride

Anyone else struggling to honor your well-being commitments in recent weeks? Energy level zapped? Feeling emotionally drained? Sleeping less? Eating more? Fitness routine gone off the rails? You are not alone.

Reasons to “Refuel”

Now, more than ever, leaders in communities, organizations and business are stretched beyond their limits. Systemic racism, police brutality, political turmoil and the coronavirus pandemic fallout are huge issues on their own. Compounding them all into the past four months is like combining a ride on the Tilt-a-Whirl, Bumper Cars, Demon Drop and Steel Vengeance all at once. Head-spinning, vomit-inducing, heart-stopping moment after moment. If you are still standing, kneeling, or simply laying on the ground breathing, give yourself a pat on the back. For real. Right now.

You have been putting customers’ and team members' needs ahead of your own for months and months. The survival and success of your company has depended on it. However, giving everything you have to others ALL.THE.TIME is not sustainable. As businesses pivot from crisis response to the next phase of emerging work realities, leaders must “refuel” to take their organizations forward. This is an ultra-marathon we are running, not a 200m dash. Without meaningful self-care efforts that fill your tank, “bonking” is imminent. You can not afford to hit the wall right now.

Leaders modeling a practice of self-care set the tone for a culture of wellness in the workplace. This creates a positive relational experience for employees, and gives everyone “permission” to make choices that sustain their overall well-being. As Shawn Achor explains in his book, Big Potential: How Transforming the Pursuit of Success Raises Our Achievement, Happiness and Well-Being, by becoming a “positive node” in a “positive system”. We are able to influence those around us to be better, be happier and do more; just like fireflies lighting up a mangrove at night.

Tapping Your Strengths

Digging deep and finishing the project is often second nature for leaders. This quality is defined as “Industry, Diligence and Perseverance” according to the VIA Survey. It means that you work hard to finish what you start, and are able to stay focused on the task while taking pleasure in getting the job done. It is often utilized for external commitments, and integral to fulfilling personal well-being goals. Applying the same level of diligence to your fitness routine, sleep hygiene, hobbies and eating habits will sustain you through the hard conversations at work, thankless hours negotiating contracts, and covering the jobs of three different roles due to vacancies & hiring delays. Sticking with your personal commitments builds trust; one of the true pillars of positive relationships - with yourself and others.

Over-reliance in one area can hold you back. Blindness to your strengths may cause you to miss opportunities. Recognition and purposeful use of strengths propels you, and those around you, forward to better than expected places.

Permission Granted to Feel Positive Emotions

Crappy, horrible things are happening all around us. If you are acknowledging that reality, and trying to do something (no matter how small) to make it better, it is okay and super important to find ways to experience “the big 10 positive emotions” aka HAPPINESS. There is lots of talk (and research!) about breaking your goal or problem down into small, manageable actions to produce positive outcomes, including happiness. Believing that we can accomplish our goal is one of three key components to changing our habits.

People express feeling happier and healthier when they take action on goals aligned with their values. When you finish a project, meet a deadline or complete action steps, good feelings are generated inside of you (more on neuroscience another time). Often, people look to external sources for gratification; and, job-well-done praise from others.

Imagine the difference in your life at home and work, if you allowed a sense of pride to shine when you honored the “small” commitments you made to yourself.

Maybe it’s switching gears to enjoy the evening at home free of work guilt.

Maybe it’s getting out for a walk, run, or bike ride to keep up with fitness goals.

Maybe it’s having one less sugary drink or “adult” beverage a day.

Maybe it’s turning off the TV, computer or mobile device a little earlier at night so you can sleep.

Maybe it’s going through your digital photos and creating meaningful albums for family.

Whatever commitments you have made to your personal well-being, find ways to persevere and take pride when fulfilling those self-care actions. Your “positive node” will expand into a “positive system” at work making a place that flourishes and grows.

30 Seconds to Be a Better Leader

Habits are made or broken through greater self-awareness. In my coaching practice, individuals are guided to find small, doable actions related to their goals, which take a minute or less to complete. Anyone can find 30 seconds in their day to do a wellness action. Yes. Anyone.

Here are 10 well-being actions that take less than a minute to complete:
Recall a positive moment from my day before stress-inducing meetings.
Relax my shoulders and take a deep breath each time I sit down in a chair.
Drink a glass of water after waking up in the morning.
Set an alarm notifying me to turn off all electronic devices at least 30 minutes before my planned bedtime.
Keep a notebook and pen beside my bed to jot down thoughts that keep me awake at night.
Look up one new joke everyday and share it with someone.
Eat a small, healthy snack when my energy is low.
Share a fun picture with a friend or family member.
Reflect on what went right in my day before going to bed.
Stand up and move (dancing encouraged!) once every 20 minutes while I’m awake.

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Box52 Coaching & Consulting Services - Blog #coaching

Forgiveness: Our Tow Truck Out of the Shame Arena

Repair Relationships, Practice Forgiving and Move Away from Self-Blame

Joy: What It Is, And Isn't

Less FOMO, More JOMO!

Intuition: A Double-Edged Skill

5 Ways to Stay Authentic as a Solopreneur

Solopreneurs: Honesty, Authenticity and Courage

6 Tips to Wrap-up 2020 Better Than it Started

Parting PostcardThink in a courageous way. Nourish your feeling of confidence. Make action your top priority.Start now.@box52coaching

Lead Workplace Culture by Honoring Self-Care Commitments

Now Til December: Honoring Commitments, Perseverance and Pride

Tapping Your Strengths

Permission Granted to Feel Positive Emotions

30 Seconds to Be a Better Leader

Habits are made or broken through greater self-awareness. In my coaching practice, individuals are guided to find small, doable actions related to their goals, which take a minute or less to complete. Anyone can find 30 seconds in their day to do a wellness action. Yes. Anyone.

Parting Postcard
Think in a courageous way.
Nourish your feeling of confidence.
Make action your top priority.
Start now.

@box52coaching